Doxy Day 4... will I ever ride my horse again?

Today is going to be a beautiful day. Sunny, breezy, everything we've been waiting for since June. I've had enough coffee this morning to write today's whine-entry...oops I mean blog entry before I go back to bed. My kayak and bicycle sit forlornly out on the porch wondering why they never get to do anything fun anymore. And my horse! Poor Jacque. He never gets to leave the barn anymore. He hasn't had the thrills and chills of dodging bikes and baby carriages on the rail trail for so long. No run-ins with randomly-placed caution tape to spook him. No wandering canines to freak him out, no motorcycles on the road to send him into a panicked gallop along Springtown road. Oh, the lonely life of a lyme-sufferer's horse.

In truth this is the best time he's had. Just playing with his buddies in the pasture with no pain in the ass rider bothering him, yanking a girth around his belly, bossing him around and making him do treacherous things like walk across the wooden bridge over the Wallkill where dangerous aligators (kayaks) lurk! Well, do I have news for Jacque! My friend Nicole has agreed to ride him for me occasionally for the next couple weeks while my body and brain repair. Hah! And she's more of a real horse girl than I so I bet she'll be able to kick his ass much better than I can. We all could use a friend to kick our horses' ass when we cannot. She won't be so brainless as to put his saddle on backwards like I did last time I tried to ride. Sorry Jacque. She won't be too spaced out to realize two other horses are escaping from the pasture when she goes to get him for a ride.

Yesterday I forgot about my accupuncture appointment until it was halfway over but the blessed Katie the needle poker let me come in late. She managed to puncture me into a blissful nap where I escaped my lyme crankiness and constant irritable spaciness for a good hour. She warned me I would probably be pretty spaced-out after the treatment. She was right. I left her office in a state of bliss, like I'd just gotten some kind of narcotic. It was wonderful. She even forgave me for forgetting my checkbook. I will pay her next week for two sessions when I arrive ON TIME. I am highly motivated to experience my endorphins again.

Today I will accomplish the following. Vaccum the living room, nap, take Nicole to meet my horse at the barn, nap, prepare the banking I have been putting off for two months, nap, nap, and then go watch a movie at Samuel's house. I will try to watch the movie, not nap. Then it will be day five the next morning. Will I feel better yet? Will I be able to go to the feed store to buy canned food for the cats because they're so freaking sick of dry food? Will I be able to make my house slightly presentable in anticipation of my sister's visit on Monday? Will I be able to fold my laundry? Put it away? Remember where it goes?

Day Three, round 2 of doxycyline. Lyme rage or just crazy?

I have decided to join the ranks of the many (what's the word?) self-umm, self promoting, no that's not the right word, uh, exhibitionist bloggers?, I can't think of the right word. What it means is to blab on and on about stuff online just because you can. I know there's a word for it but I can't think of it because lyme has seriously diluted my vocabulary. I can't seem to be very functional, can't really work, paint, go out, hold a coherent conversation, drink alcohol, cook, ride my horse or really even stay awake for more than a couple of hours at a time so in the interest of relieving my boredom with myself I have this plan to blather on and maybe crack a smile or a me-too feeling of relief in other current lyme victims/travelers. If anyone actually reads this. I will send a link to friends and family and if they're not already too sick of my whining they might read it.

I definitely am experiencing various levels of lyme-induced hypochondria, rage, confusion, irritability and lack of judgement. On tuesday I missed my appointment at the Infectious Disease doctor's because I got lost as a result of reading my directions backwards. By the time I got near the office, it was too late to see the doctor, she was already on hospital rounds. I spoke somewhat hysterically to the secretary (admin assit?) and she told me to go to the ER. Went to the ER. Sobbed uncontrollably in my little er cell, lost my wallet, called my Primary Care doctor repeatedly to yell at him for not taking proper care of my lyme (didn't ever get him on the line thank goodness) and then finally had the er doctor tell me, yes you are very sick, yes your lyme is bad, no there's nothing we can do for you, you have to go home and drive back to see the ID (infectious disease) doctor tomorrow. This was after 5 hours of whining and wailing in the er. Those poor nurses. When I get better I will write them a letter to apologize. Maybe even send flowers. There was one brief positive moment during this embarrassingly pathetic event. When I called the Poughkeepsie police to report my wallet as stolen (which I thought it was), the cop who came to take my report was really nice and VERY CUTE! Wish I'd felt good enough to flirt.

I deliberately made an illegal left-hand turn across a short (foot-high maybe?) median on my way home because I couldn't bare to drive an extra couple blocks to turn around properly. If I had gotten a ticket could I have pled innocent using the lyme defense? Like the twinkie defense? Is there a new word in the lexicon called going lymeal? Kind of like going postal? There should be. A friend told me there was all sorts of stuff in the news about lyme rage. I haven't seen it myself. I'm afraid to.

Yesterday I managed to make it to the lab to get blood work for possible co-infections. How scary does that sound? That's about all I did. I hired my ex-boyfriends son and his girlfriend to go to the dump for me. How pathetic is that? And then I had a conversation with a friend who just found out she has to have a hysterectomy and go on permanent medication for Hashimoto disease. I didn't say it, but I felt like saying (and this is one of my best friends in the whole world who I totally love) well at least you still have your mind!

So, for any of you other lyme crazies out there who might happen upon this blog—you're not alone. Yes you have lost part of your mind. So have I and people tell me I'll get it back. So I'm saying you'll get it back. Even though I don't quite believe it.